DJ Phatrick

Self Hate

First one to guess who this guy is wins an Asian American Hip Hop for Dummies CD

So, I was substituting for fellow selector dj fflood at his Saturday weekly, Magic Milkcrates (fflood is an amazing selector and dj. There’s no other night in Oakland with better music), at Kingman’s Lucky Lounge this past weekend when I was reminded of something:

I hate djing for privileged/suburban-bred Asian Americans.
Yes, charge me with self hate. I plead the 5th.

I get there at 9pm to start djing. It’s gonna be a long night so I called on another amazing Bay Area selector and music tastemaker, Ms. Lovelee to come in and relieve me for an hour. When I get there, already there’s a group of yuppy business professionals getting hammered in the back. One hour into my set of downtempo soul & old school classics, one of them, an East Asian (the type is of Asian is important) woman, comes up to me and asks, not rudely, if I was going to play anything faster. Now, as 10-year veteran of djing, I’m used to requests, both rude or otherwise, and have been able to channel zen-like responses (on the outside) to such requests. Here’s a lesson for you beginner request takers: when most ignorant drunk muhfuckas ask for something “faster,” they mean something that’ll match their drunken energies more, not necessarily something with a higher tempo. So, anyway, I tell this woman, calmly with a smile, “Yea, later, the night’s just beginning…”

At 11pm, Lovelee comes just in time to give me a break and we switch at 11:30pm. At this time, I’m playing old school HITS like Yarbrough & Peoples “Don’t Stop the Music” and Eric B. & Rakim “Paid in Full” Coldcut remix: shit that slap. Lovelee gets on and drops the classic “Hypnotize” sample, Herb Albert’s “Rise.” Now, as a song, “Rise” is fire: that bassline is undeniable, and the horns build you up to the break perfectly. As the recognizable part of the song (cue the intro to “Hypnotize” in your head) drops, the same East Asian girl comes up to me, a little more drunk, and asks in an annoyed tone:

“Can you play something faster? Like reggae? We’re here to party.”
“You don’t like this music?” I ask playfully.
“No, this isn’t music…”

“THIS ISN’T MUSIC”?! fuck you. suck my choad, or as Erykah said to a hater: “Kiss my placenta.”

In my racial hierarchy of audiences-I’d-rather-not-dj-for, privileged/suburban Asian Americans rank first. They have the same bad musical tastes as privileged white people, BUT white people dance to anything and everything. These Asian Americans tend to sit there with their disgustingly-sweet fruit-based alcoholic beverage in front of them, talking shit about any music they don’t recognize; then scream and jump as they rush to the dance floor when you play “Ditty” or “Ain’t No Fun (If the Homies Can’t Have None)”; only to sit back down if you play something out of their paper thin range of musical knowledge. I could even play something they love like Jack Johnson, and they still wouldn’t dance, because it might not be “fast enough.”

Like I said, white folks dance, albeit without any sense of rhythm, to anything and everything. I’d rather laugh at bad dancing then withstand the hateful glares coming from my own peoples.

Laugh at this:

14 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Yo thats you Phatty!! thats a ridiculous picture btw…now where’s my CD?!!!?

Comment by Glen

bring that hair back!

Comment by chris

damnit!! someone beat me!! whatever…i already got the cd. psh.

Comment by paloma

is that phatty with the AzN bangs and a tall tee polo? im so rolling because the man who says i have issues with self hate…. has issues with self hate. YoU ShOuLdA TYpEd Ur PosT LyKe DiS.

i bet you still have a pair of JNCOS hidden somewhere huh?

Comment by dj brigidope

You have the AZN emo vulture posture too! But, where’s your Payless coach jacket?

Thank the heavens I didn’t own a camera back then.

Comment by Thong


if i’m available, i’ll gladly be your request-taker.

“‘shake your tailfeather?’ yeah i’ll let him know.”

Comment by giles

aw, phatty, you amazing bay area selector and music tastemaker you – that’s why you are the golden child – one of their own who escaped the clear channel matrix to show them which pill to take! =)

Comment by katskratches

that video can’t be real! that picture of you in the barrios of sugarland, texas is definitely real, but the video can’t be!

Comment by Bambu

she said “kiss my placenta”

eating it would just be wrong in so many ways…but on that note, have you seen “Dumplings”?

Comment by drew

boy oh boy phatty, you goes hard in the paint boy.
its sh*t like this that makes me respect the sh*t out of you. not the “self-hate,” part but the fact that you speak your mind on some real ish all the time. LOL. I think most API Amerikans (and people of color in general) deal with some type of internalized anger/disgust with/at their own people. For instance, I hate the fact that many Japanese-Amerikans still hold a false idea in their heads that they are the “supreme” Asian race and many dont consider themselves “people of color.” “Uncle Tamagotchis” do NOT go. You DO however, Phatty selektah.

ill holla momentarily broshot. we need to kik it again soon.


Comment by colinresponse

such a hater. of yourself.

dood, that’s the workout video for the “swatting invisible flies” dance!

Comment by kiwizzo

holy shit bro…that picture is classic. Dude i cant stop laughing.

Aye…i heard yall might be up here in September. i honestly hope not…cuz im going back to the home land for the whole month.

Comment by Nam

[…] in my life. We wanted so bad to be like him. Even planned on growing my hair long like him; but you know where that went. No Comments so far Leave a comment RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI […]

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[…] revisit my Self Hate post: I like djing for white folks…well, better than djing for my own folks, BUT, the point […]

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