DJ Phatrick


Rant of the Day: The US Passport
October 1, 2008, 6:34 pm
Filed under: Random, The Isms | Tags: ,

During my trip back to the Bay this past weekend, I witnessed a very very special moment for my friend and fellow cool Chinese American, Mai-Lei. A moment which most men and women, young and old, from all around the world, can only fantasize about. A moment which wars have been fought over and people have been killed. A moment which will forever determine the fate of anyone who experiences it:

She got her first U.S. passport.

I don’t mean to rain on anyone’s parade, but, these days, possessing a US passport doesn’t instill that much security or pride in being a US citizen for me.

Case in point #1: The nation’s leaders still make life changing decisions over party lines while the economy is crashing around them and the rest of the world shakes its head in disbelief at US stupidity.

Case in point #2: Washington is STILL involved in an illegal war with a theoretical target, arrogantly thinking it has the carte blanche to ignore borders in its pursuit.

Case in point #3: It’s been said before, but I’ll say it, no, SHOUT it again: THIS COULD BE OUR NEXT VICE PRESIDENT (WHICH IS ONE STEP AWAY FROM PRESIDENT…ONE TIIIIINNYYY STEP IN HER CASE):

And to make it even worse, starting in 2007, they’ve redesigned the US passport and made it one giant blue piece of shit. Let’s have a look, see:

1. The Cover

Notice that little rectangular symbol at the bottom? That means Big Brother is watching. All new passports are embedded with a chip that contains all your information on it, and is supposed to be for our convenience. But if Mulder from X-Files has taught me anything, these chips can be triggered by President Palin (gasp!) to self-destruct and erase our identity whenever we get caught saying the “R” word. I think you know what word I mean…

2. Inside Art
The new passport actually has a name: “American Icon.” In accordance, it is filled with “patriotic” artwork from front to back, which is meant, I think, to give US Citizens a sense or pride whenever he/she crosses the border. Let’s have a look, see:

In this picturesque scene a giant mutant white Bald Eagle (looks like McCain, no?) watches warily over its brown slave buffalo, while I.C.E., depicted as a sneaky stealth eagle, circles above picking its next victim.

At the top is a quote from Martin Luther King, Jr.: “We have a great dream. It started way back in 1776, and God grant that America will be true to her dream.”

And what dream is that? To dream that there’ll still be lynching in the 21st century? To dream that one day, we’ll have ownership of all oil reserves in the world? How dare they invoke Martin Luther King, Jr’s speech…

It gets worse:

The quote reads, “We send thanks to all the Animal life in the world. They have many things to teach us as people. We are glad they are still here and we hope it will always be so.” It is an excerpt from the Thanksgiving Address, Mohawk version.

How convenient to quote peoples that have been nearly pushed to extinction by the genocide caused by the same hands who created this passport…

To the feds who are reading this post through the microscopic camera installed into the front of the passport, please please please don’t set off the auto-destruct…I actually love the new design! Really! It’s very very…pretty. Now lemme move the fuck outta here…

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1 Comment so far
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oh hail the fuck no. my best friend is going to re-new her passport today and i am going to peep it out when she gets her’s back. i can’t believe they put that shit in there. WTF! wow.. i’m in SHOCK freals.. hella wack.. forget america.. i’m moving to canada..

Comment by Roda




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